An Explication

I've gone over it, over and over.
I have pulled the events apart and examined the patterns.
I have unfolded every occurrence, every step, every detail.

These looping themes, these reoccurring episodes--
They appear to be inescapable.

In the end, the only things left are the questions.
Maybe they're just part of the pattern.

Contemplated, Premeditated, Significant

My emotions are so tumultuous and unpredictable that I like other things to be predictable.
I like planning, even though I know they're likely to be revised or cancelled.

I want everything to be carefully contemplated and placed just so.
I want nothing I carry to be meaningless. Everything needs to have a meaning, even if just to me.
I want everything in my bag to be premeditated. I want it to be significant.

The moment it's an accident is the moment I lose myself.
I do that enough, as it is.

Death

A lot of people are afraid to die. It's only natural.
Most people ask: "Will it hurt? What happens after you die?"

I ask: "Will I be alone when I die?"