What do I do now?

Distractions are all I have. And they're not working.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

A Beautiful Rainy Day

For some odd reason, I was totally content today! I would even go so far as to say I was happy!

Really, it was a good day. Even though the rain was a bit overpowering at times, I loved it. It smells like happy.

Today, I slept in a little, went to physics lab, went to work, went to eat with AJ, Molly, & Luke, and now I am about to embark upon my ice cream-eating, homework-doing, movie-watching evening.

And things are really clear when I'm happy. I can think without bias. It's really nice.

Oh, well, just felt like writing something!

"Where shadow goes when you're asleep, and each have beats and symmetry

Don't need your eyes open to see

Where nothing can be photographed, and time is just a thing you pass

That's where you'll find me"

-Audrye Sessions

Things I Spend Money On

--Education

--Food

--Piercings

--Earrings

--Hair colour

--Shows

--Music and merch purchased at shows

FUCK I NEED MORE MONEY!!!!!

Why are the things that make me happy so damn expensive?

Invisible Monsters

"This is the biggest mistake I could think would save me. I wanted to give up the idea I had any control. Shake things up. To be saved by chaos. To see see if I could cope, I wanted to force myself to grow again. To explode my comfort zone."

It happens...

Wow.

What a day.

The good news is...

• I didn't have class
• I didn't go to work
• I slept in until 1:30pm
• I talked to Patrick, whom I miss dearly, on the phone
• I texted my sissy, whom I also miss dearly
• I listened to my entire music library on shuffle for a loooong time
• I completed my physics on time
• I got today's assignment in before the deadline
• I ate a whole pint of ice cream
• I got to see some live music with an awesome new friend
• I got to watch a fantastic movie called Waking Life, which is all about dreams and existentialism
• I received a hilarious drunk text from Emily: "Hashashdfshgasvb vfy oi druynk"
• I got to make a bulleted list!

The bad news is...

• I was/am entirely alone tonight--all 3 roommates are gone for the weekend (I miss Aarthi madly)
• Interesting things happened tonight that left me feeling a bit dejected
• All of my friends were either too tired or unavailable to spend time with me when I got home at 10
• Didn't get a chance to eat today and when I went to the food place it was closed because of Zombie Jesus Day
• I ate a whole pint of ice cream
• Ross and I got into an argument 
• I woke up so late that I'm not tired AND not motivated
• I am behind in my Arabic
• I found out that the annual flute competition/festival I participated in 4 years ago is next Saturday and if I had looked it up a month earlier I could've entered because I'd already studied the required pieces
• My hair tie got stuck in my hair so I had to cut it out
• I still need to take a shower
• I am lonely as fuck

I'm sad, so I'm going to make more lists--they  make me happy!!!!

Tomorrow:

• Physics prelab
• Physics reading
• Physics practice problems
• Microeconomics reading
• Arabic chapter 15 homework drills
• Arabic chapter 16 vocabulary
• Arabic chapter 16 homework drills
• Arabic lit reading
• Arabic lit research

I want:

• More piercings
• To color my hair like I used to
• Money
• An orgasm
• My passport back from the Lebanese Consulate
• A cuddle buddy
  
• Any form of physical reassurance
• To have that one true friend to whom I can I go for anything and everything
• Absolute contentedness

Oh well. All done. 

Time to take a shower and go to sleep. 

Hopefully I'll get up at a decent hour tomorrow and not be so fucking lonely.

"People are fragile things--you should know by now. Be careful what you put them through."

-The Editors

Geeks

It's weird.
But I just realized why I go for the geeky-ish guys.

Although I am very logical, I am extremely social. I remember numbers easily, but I don't rely on them.
Being a Humanities major, I usually get along best with people who are studying physics, math, or econ, or other similar things.
It's the way that the mind works--and how I can relate on the most important levels but have my own completely different personality.
And even better are the ones who study one of those and also enjoy stuff that is artistic, i.e. music (playing/appreciating), photography, xkcd (ok, hardly artsy...but fucking hilarious).
Just a generalization. There are many exceptions. No one is as cookie-cutter as my statement, which is also not concrete, hahahaha.

I was just thinking about what I want in a guy.
Tehe, silly realizations are fun.
Especially since every single one of my boyfriends and crushes fit in that generalization in some way or another, even if only partially.


And I've discovered that although I am exhausted, staying out late doing things that I love and working towards a common social goal, not only homework, is very fulfilling and makes me feel whole. Despite the epic lack of sleep. Ah, I love life today.

"Finally there is clarity--

This tiny life is making sense."

-Death Cab for Cutie

Life.

Life sucks sometimes. A lot of times.

That's what it's the little things.

And now that I have made up my mind, it's a little easier to deal with.

"Wait like the dawn

how it aches to meet the day."

-Iron & Wine

Abortion

WARNING!
OFFENSIVE MATERIAL!!!

If you are reading this, you know that I have very out-there ideas.
But hopefully you also know that I compromise really well.

That being said, enjoy my musings.

Those craaaazy pro-life displays of aborted babies, claiming that it is genocide (which makes me giggle quite a bit), has prompted me to release how I think the perfect world should operate regarding this topic.

Obviously, morals not included nor given a shit about.


I always start out the discussion by letting everyone know I'm pro-abortion. It gets some fun looks.
Besides, if people weren't so set on abstinence-only education, there would be far fewer abortions.

Anyway, I think people should have to apply to have children. Just like they do to get married.
If the person/couple does not have a household income above a certain level, the absolute minimum possible to care for themselves and a child, then their application to have a child would be denied.

And if they intentionally break the rule and are caught, if it's still a pre-natal situation, forced abortion. I haven't worked out what happens if it's after that. I'm not going to advocate killing children, although every time I'm in a movie theatre I seriously consider it...

Of course, abortions would be cheaper and easier to get, in the case of an accident. Basically, if you are pregnant and go to them, they will help you, no questions asked, for a very small cost (compared to usual). If you don't, they'll catch you, scoop out the fetus, and charge you for it.

But those women who break the rules 3 times or more (and are caught), they will be sterilized.
Fear is the most powerful tool.

See, if you put that fear in someone, they are much less likely to break the rule and more likely to work to be able to achieve their goal of having a child without worrying about watching that dream go down the drain. Literally.

Or I suppose if sterilization's too far, we could make it required for every woman belonging to a household below the floor income to have children to get those implants in their arms. Although the down side is more casual sex and STDs.

I see the children that households with an income too low to properly support them as a disadvantage to the economy and the country as a whole.

Overpopulation is an easy one.
Though true that having children cause people to spend more, I can't the children born into low-income families are helping much since they only have so much money and are most likely spending it all already. No significant increase in overall spending, economically speaking.
And if they are born into a low-income situation, they most likely won't be raised properly, oftentimes dropping out of school, thus increasing the population and decreasing labor capital.

And no abstinence only bullshit education.
In a perfect world....


Well, that's my schpeal. Feel free to comment and tell me how horrible of a person I am--I find it a nice ego boost and funny as hell--but I won't be replying to them (maybe).

I leave you with one last statement:
If those pro-life posters on campus are true and abortion is genocide, then I've been a racist most of my life.

Stuck.

"Will you say to me when I'm gone

'Your face has faded but lingers on

Cause light strikes a deal with each coming night....' "