Ugh My Goddamn Family

So, my dad gets $75 from Goodyear to take his family out to dinner when he's gone for long periods of time.

He's been gone over half of this year so far.

My family went without me and without asking me if I cared.

AND

When I asked for money to eat this weekend so I wasn't spending Christian's money, Mom told me no!

She said, and I quote, "Do you REALLY not have any money?"

It's not like it's his mom's paying for me to eat!

It's his own fucking wallet!

UGH

Pissing me off.

FIRST she said "You never asked me that!"

That was BULLSHIT.

UGH

So fucking pissed.

I felt so guilty that I spent ANOTHER $20 I don't have to take him to Olive Garden.

SO

To sum it up.

$5,000 in Lebanon.

Come back.

Find out I have no job.

Spend $130 to fix my goddamn guitar.

$100 on Plan B pills

$13 on pregnancy test.

And $20 on Olive Garden.

I am so pissed.

I am absolutely beyond angry right now.

I could fucking cry.

I'm so fucking angry.

I can't stand my family.

I can't wait until I'm out of here.

I'm so mad.

I've had a job since I turned 16.

Last summer, I worked 50 hour weeks.

I have a fucking scholarship for half of my college costs.

And when I get fucked over, they aren't willing to help out.

But my little sister, who is too lazy to find a job or apply for scholarships or even look for a fucking college, gets whatever she wants.

Pisses me the fuck off.

School? NOT!

Once again, a lot has happened since I last updated, much of which I wish to forget.

Things have been really difficult emotinally. Perhaps these fucking birth control pills I'm on so I don't vomit from my menstrual cramps are fucking with my mood swings and anxiety?

But yeah. This past weekend, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I had three consecutive nights of meltdowns. The worst meltdowns I'd had in years. And another $50 I don't have down the drain. I don't know if maybe things are changing and I'm stressed or if it is the pills, but whatever. I'm really looking forward to September 15.

As a result, I'm now looking to get rid of my Arctic Monkeys ticket for September 28 in Columbus (@Newport) for $28 so let me know if you're interested.

This weekend should go a lot better. Heading off to BW tomorrow to spend the weekend with my Love and Trudge. Gonna be kickass. But being there makes me want homework. I'm such a weird little shit. SO I'll be bringng my Arabic so I can get a little of that taken care of... since I've been ignoring it upon my return from Lebanon. Christian and I are going to see 500 Days of Summer. I'm excited. I saw it already and reallly want to see it again. Then fun times with his friends and Trudge. Very excited.

BW started school this past Monday. I wish I were in school. I can't wait. I'm so stir-crazy.

*sigh* 1 month until classes start.

I'm keeping myself busy, though. I'm currently working on a 550 piece Star Wars: A New Hope jigsaw puzzle. I have discovered that there are at least 6 pieces missing. Pissing me off.

I haven't done my Arabic yet, nor finished two books all summer, nor cooked more than 1 meal for my family, nor done my scholarships, nor filled out some necessary paperwork, nor cleaned the bathrooms once. Oh well. I'll get to it all. There are still 2 full weeks of absolute boredom ahead of me and nearly no one around. I'll do it.

Also, I really need a job in Columbus.Really, really.

Summer

Summer is the time when all I want is for school to start up again.

I have some things I need to do and plenty of friends to see, but I keep asking myself:

Is it September yet?

BUT I'm excited, because BW starts school soon, which means, Christian will be in Ohio starting Thursday!

So this week is going to be great:

Tuesday~helping Mary paint her living and dining rooms, then cooking her dinner

Wednesday~Tim's coming to play with Alyssa and me! LOOK OUT, CLEVELAND!

Thursday~Spending the evening with Christian at BW!

Friday~Spending part-to-all of the day with Christian at BW!

Saturday~Family stuffs... then seeing PATRICK!

Sunday~...still with Patrick, hahaha

Monday~Picking up Trudgen from the airport, visiting my uncle at work and perhaps getting lunch, chilling with Christian after class, MM show??

Mmm can't WAIT!

Now, on to planning meals and filling out my paperwork to get my portable hard drive replaced and helping mom clean up from the garage sale and perhaps starting my Starbucks application.

Yeahhh whatever!

I can't wait to get back to school, despite the intensity of this upcoming year.

Also, I have a shrink appointment for September 15.

It's time. I'm ready.

Post-Beirut

I feel like a huge bitch.

I have a bunch of friends I still haven't seen since December, and others since I left for school last September, but I feel no desire to leave my house, especially in the evenings. I am unmotivated and lazy, with my time being completely packed with family activities that I had no idea would be on my agenda. I have something going on literally every weekend--no time for my friends, who will be going back to school in a week and a half. I haven't done anything near what I'd wanted to accomplish once home. And I feel like a complete cunt for constantly cancelling plans. I want to see these people--they're my good friends!--but I don't want to go anywhere.

Is it school yet?

Back from PA

I'm in Ohio again.

I didn't want to leave.

I could actually have a job, there. I should've stayed and worked at his family's café. If only my family would allow that.

I'm feeling really weird about everything that happened this week.

Really emotional and strange.

I wish it had never happened, but honestly, who wouldn't.

We got through it, that is what's important.

And no, I don't want to talk about it.

What a Week

This week has been utterly and completely crazy.

So much has happened.

So much good.

So much bad.

But we've perservered.

I don't know that I really want to talk about it.

But I still love it here and love his family and don't want to leave.

Since I don't have a job, I shoud be writing much more often once I get home.

Fucking A, I don't have a job. Ugh.

My love to all.

Acme, PA

From one of my favorite places straight to my other. :)

Tried to go see Harry Potter at the drive-in last night, except the stupid kids movie G-Force (no, not dirty), was playing on the screen right before HP so we tried to go late, but the ticket office was closed. Alas, we went to a cemetery (upon my request, of course) to walk around. Tonight, we are going for real!

I'm very upset about things at home, to be honest.

I had previously gone to Regal before leaving for Beirut, extending my education leave and asking if I could come back later in the summer, to which they said yes, and I put down the day I would be starting again (August 9). When I went in yesterday to check the schedule and make sure everything is ok, the GM told me "who told you that you could come back?" Apparently, the manager who was there when I extended my leave never told her that I would be coming back, and now they hired too many people and have no hours for me. The kicker? I had just quit my shitty-ass job at the nursing home 1 hour before. Fucking a. That GM always has been and always will be a cunt.

And I didn't see any movies while in Lebanon because I was expecting to get free ones when back in the States.

So now I have no money or anything. After spending thousands of dollars in Lebanon for tuition and food and board, I have zip. Fuck.

Well, right now I'm in PA with Christian (at long last!), so I'm going to get off my goddamn computer and do other, more interesting things.

By the way, for some reason when I went to Beirut, all I fucking wanted were bananas. I never ate them at home beforehand, and they are hard to come by in Lebanon. Thus, the banana counter as seen below. :-P

Bananas I've eaten in PA: 2.5

Busy Day Back in the States!

Ok! I got back from Beirut and everything is crazy!

What a busy day! Already dropped Amanda off at cheer and went to the doctor. Now, looking for coupons, quitting a job, closing a checking account, visiting Al at work, picking up Amanda from cheer, officially announcing my return to my other job, and GOING TO PA TO SEE CHRISTIAN!!!!! xD

That is all :)

I. Hate. You. Today.

Church Memories

I sat through the entire set of church services today for the first time in over a year, both Sunday School and service. And all I thought about was you.

And I'm going up to NBC to keep my mom company because Pastor Brian is speaking.

It's not going to be easy.

All I thought about today was how we would sit together during service and sing hymns, trying to do the separate parts.

I thought about how we would talk with Miss June after Sunday School.

I remembered how we played with your Star Trek toy during church once.

I remembered the AWANA Grand Prix and the carnival they would have at the end of each year. And Duck Hunt.

I recall how we would get gum from Miss Agnes after service every Sunday.

Since I moved, I haven't cleaned out that Bible cover I'd had. I still have a picture you drew me.

I remember everything that doesn't matter but can't remember the one thing that does.

Back in the US

Hi. I'm back in good ol' Ohio after 26 straight hours of travling. Also, I haven't slept or showered in over 2 days. Sounds just like finals week to me.

Missing Beirut so much. :'-(