London, Day 11 of 12

Yes yes yes, it has been far too busy here to update every night as I'd planned. Apologies!

We've since visited Abney Cemetery, finished our expedition of the Science Museum, eaten at a shady Chinese buffet cuz it was cheap and we were hungry, went to Brick Lane and had SALTY BEEF BAGELS with MUSTARD, walked through Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens, got threatened by a swan, went to G-A-Y bar twice (perhaps again tomorrow night for one last hurrah?) and danced to Lady Gaga the entire time, went to Crazy Homies tequila bar twice, went to TWO West End shows: Avenue Q and Wicked, and going back to Camden Market tomorrow to pick up my sister a cute lil doohicky for her birthday and myself one and a itty present for James. Everything's eensy weensy because we didn't check any bags and carry everything on, soooo no snowglobes and only wittle fings, i.e. postcards.

SO. MUCH. STUFF.

So yes, tomorrow is the last day. Then we fly back. We'll spend the entire day traveling. I'm not expecting it to be bad. We're coming in during the middle of the week. I just have some reading I need to do before class on Thursday. Plus, uhh... I have an 8:30am class on Wednesday. Whateva. It'll be fine. :)

I've thoroughly enjoyed this vacation and had so much fun with my cousins and Walt. I'm so glad we got the chance to do this. Now, some reading that's due Thursday. ONWARD HO!

What is the most unexpected/surprising thing that you've learned about London?

Bums sleep outside bagel shops on Brick Ln. and no one cares. And people chain up their dogs outside stores and people don't pay it any mind. People carry little dogs onto the tube. Assholes pee in cemeteries. And they make you sign the back of your credit cards before they'll touch it. Also, random pubs will not serve you drinks if you don't have a "Pass Mark" on your ID. That is, if you aren't British, you get no cider. (Ok, it was just one random lil pub, but seriously wtf?)

Hardly one thing, but I do believe they are all equally interesting observations.

This is where you ask the questions you want answered. Or to make a random comment. Whatever the fuck you want to say.

London, Day 5 of 12

So it's Tuesday.

We had trouble uploading photos onto facebook last night, but rest assured, it has been remedied.

Today, we went to the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum and Harrod's. My camera wasn't working, so nothing much to post on here or facebook. Check out Walt's. He took hundreds. Mostly of stuffed animals.

The Natural History Museums was huge, and we spent most of the day there, but not horribly impressive. Their taxidermy animals were all faded. The panda bear was seriously white and beige. wtf?

But yes, it was a great day. We also saw the Hubble IMAX 3D movie. It was so cool.

Just before it, Walt and I bought tickets, went to a corner store, bought a 2-litre of Dr. Pepper, and chugged most of it, then met Beckie and Matt in the museum theatre. It was a blast.

The Science Museums was AMAZING. And we got very little done, and are definitely going back. It is free, after all!

Then we went to Harrod's. Not my thing. I felt really claustrophobic and uncomfortable. So much crazy expensive designer stuff and dumbass people willing to pay hundreds of dollars for it. Seriously. An umbrella was over 100 pounds. What the fuck?

We came home and have been uploading photos and eating dinner and watching youtube videos.

It is now 11:15pm. I'm exhausted. Off to bed.

London, Day 4 of 12

Today was great. Very tiring, but great.

This morning, Walt and I got up to go to the Tower of London. But on the way to the tube, we stopped to get waffles for breakfast. Mmmm MM!

We took the tube to the Tower of London. It was rather magnificent. I mean, it cost us a solid $44 to get in, but it was AMAZING. We spent the entire day there, had a bitchin' tour by Yeoman Warder Ken McGrath, saw the Crown Jewels, saw where lotsa people were held and tortured (yes, including Lady Jane Grey and Guy Fawkes) and did a shit ton of walking. It was great weather. Didn't even rain until later.

After the tower, we texted Beckie so she'd meet us at St. Paul and give us a nighttime tour of Westminster. But first, we ate at Subway. Honestly, American food is still cheaper than European food. And we'd just dropped a cool wad of cash on the tourist attraction of the day, so why not seal the deal with some good ol' 'Merican food. (PS YAY HEALTH CARE!!!!)

Then we walked around. Walked down Fleet Street, and went to this bitchin pub called Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese. It was basically in a wine cellar. It was really cool. Walt was drunk. Far too easily. Especially for just after having eaten a whole twelve inches of bread and meat. (not a penis reference)

After our pub stop and our tour around St. James gardens and typical tourist sightseeing, we walked to another pub to meet Matt, who had just gotten off work. We had another half pint and chips then caught the tube home, where we got 2 pizzas and watched Hot Fuzz.

Needless to say, we're fucking pooped. It is nearly 1am here. Time for photo uploading, as I promised, and some sleeps.

Tomorrow: FREE museums and IMAX 3D!!!!!

Oh, and more pubs.

Cheers!

Spring Break: London -- Day 1, 2, & 3

So. We left Ohio on March 18.

We arrived March 19.

The flight wasn't really that bad. There were 4 babies on our long flight from Detroit to Amsterdam (and no, we didn't smoke anything. stop asking) but it wasn't that bad. All but one were relatively quiet.

My cousin Beckie met us at the airport, and we took the tube back to her place.

We napped then met up with her husband Matt later for our first London pub experience.

It was a good day.

Saturday, Walt and I met up with my friend Zena, whom I'd met in Lebanon. It was loads of fun. We went to Camden Market, which is this MASSIVE outdoor market that was extremely fun and ridiculously amazing. There was this one really cool store called Cyberdog that was totally bitchin'. It was a raver's place and really loud music and blacklights and lots of dancing...but a store. You could buy trinkets and then the whole downstairs was fun clothes. It was hilarious. Walt loved it. He paid 5 pounds for a dancing robot toy. Ohhh dear....

We stopped by a shop on the way home. We bought toothbrushes (since I packed ours up then left them on the sink in Columbus... naturally.) and disposable razors and a 2-liter of Strongbow. Then we came back to the flat, took a short nap, and had dinner. Then off for a Saturday night of tequila, tequila, tequila!

My cousins are friends with someone here who works at a tequila bar, and I had never had a Margarita, so we went there and were fed free drinks all damn night long. It was glorious. Then we left a massive tip and went to try to catch Matt's friend's gig, but we got there too late and the pub was closing. Then we took the tube as far as we could before it closed, then waited an hour for the Night Bus, aka the Drunk Bus. By the time we got home, it was 2.30am. The tube closed at 12.30am. That's how long it took. Yes, things close really early here. But whatever. Then we're over our hangovers early enough to get stuff done, haha.

Today is just a hang out day. We may go for a walk later, but right now, we're all on our computers. Walt and I hadn't fully recovered from the trip yet, so we slept REALLY late, and by really late I mean 3.30pm. So we'll probably head out for a walk soon. Then I think we're having a nice day in and watching movies with the cousins all day. I do believe we'll be heading out for meat pies and minty mushy peas for dinner and a few drinks. Woot!

Alright. Time to hop to it!

This is a fence we walk past a lot. It's so cool. :)

PMS

I'm sure none of you are unfamiliar with PMS.
It's either when you feel all crabby and bitchy and cry at fucking everything and hate everything (not excusively but particularly your uterus) or when your female friend is much more weepy or angry or anxious than usual.

Hello, my friends. My name is Emily. I have a uterus. Thus I have PMS.

Today, it hit me.
The PMS.
The anger.
The anxiety.
The illogical thinking which I recognize yet cannot, for some reason, discredit.
The depression.
The need for fuzzy animals.
The need for affection. A hug. A smile. A text. Anything.
The need for appreciation. To know that I am loved and valued.
The crabbiness.
The outlook. The bleakness of every situation running rampant in my head.
The little things that piss me the fuck off.
The littler things that throw me into tears.

The week and a half before my period is always hellish.
I am overanalyzing everything, even things that I had promised myself I would not analyze, things which I had labeled "go with the flow."
I am dejected and have an overly-active sense of observation.
I am paying far too much attention to the little details. As if I didn't already do that enough.
I am extraordinarily indecisive.
I am wanting nothing else but to curl up in a little ball of literature, music, and art, but also feeling the need for human interaction.
I am altogether restless yet incredibly bored.
I am a living, breathing, walking contradiction.
I am insane.

PMS is the small-scale simulation of my anxiety-driven depression.
And this post is a small-scale, hope-this-makes-me-feel-better, freak-out.

Every little thing. It all affects me today. I'm usually stronger than this. But these fucking hormones have taken it upon themselves to amplify every negative emotion, everything I feel.

I feel like I need a friend, yet I can't get myself to believe that I deserve to have them.
I feel like I need affection, but I cannot rationalize to myself how I could ever be liked and tolerated for any extended period of time.
I feel like I am not me and that this is just some fucked up version of myself, but then I wonder if it's actually the real me, the true me, the things that I feel and fear but suppress (though I do so for my own good).
I feel like there is altogether so much to do but it cannot all be accomplished, so what good is it if it is not done? Not quite all is equivalent to nothing. So what's the point of trying?
I feel like I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I find everything shallow. Each and every external stimulus in my life makes me only happy for an instant, only as an outside actor; nothing inside me ever changes, nor am I finding that which makes me internally happy.
I don't understand the point of trying if I know that there is no path to happiness which I do not consider shallow, pretentious, external.
I fear rejection. And that's not normal. I don't usually care about it. Or perhaps it's the solution to the problem.

I keep telling myself that all these things I'm thinking, all these things I'm fearing, come and go. And just keep hoping that they will leave again.

Every time. I tell myself. I've been through each of these situations before. And yeah, it hurt like balls, but I got through it, and I'm happy with whom I am now. So why should I allow my fear of certain situations reoccurring bother me? I got through it once, twice, thrice, I can get through it again.

Today, it's just not working.
Today, I am in pieces.

"Stop now before it's too late.
You're eating in the ghetto on a hundred dollar plate.
Nothing lasts forever -- that's the way it's gotta be
There's a great black wave in the middle of the sea."

formspring.me

Not a question, but I don't have a blogger account, so I can't comment on your entries, but I just wanted to say that It brought a smile to my face to see that you're doing well and have mostly landed on your feet.-Anonymous reader/personal cheerleader

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me. <3

What do you want to know? Ask me anything!

Midterms Already?!

Yes, yes, yes, the midterm season is beginning.

It's not that bad, though. I'm still not motivated, but I'm forcing myself to get my shit done, so whatever.

And TODAY'S MY MOMMA'S BIRTHDAY! I'm gonna call her later tonight. :)

I've been doing really well, lately. At least, compared to before. I'm feeling pretty stable.

Last night I was up until 2am writing a paper for my Foreign Policy Decision-Making class. It was epic, and I have yet to go back and edit it. It's due tomorrow, so I'll do some editing later tonight.

But that is my only paper for the whole quarter! Just exams and homework!

I'm a bit worried to see how I do on that paper. It's worth over 1/3 of the course's grade. But I worked hard on it and, unlike most of my other papers, I'm going to be legitimately revising it later tonight, once Jenni finishes reading it over first.

I'm doing really well with the breakup. Looking back, he wasn't that great. He wasn't interesting. I realized that everything funny he said was from either The Chappelle Show or How I Met Your Mother or recalling something he said while drunk or high as a kite. So what if he liked the same music as me and not only had seen The Fountain but LIKED it, he was a boring motherfucker.

I do feel like the reason I finally came to this realization was because he said he really wanted to stay friends then wouldn't answer phone calls or respond to messages. But hey, if he can't be honest with me, then I don't want him as a friend at all.

It's weird because I'd always get angry at him for something-or-other, then when he finally picked up or called back, I'd realize I was being a bitch and angry for no reason. Well, the last contact I received from him proved me otherwise, and I was only looking for an excuse to really be done with him.

I've missed him and wish he were still my friend, but I do think I'm past that.

I had so many fantastic memories with him.

It's a pity, though. He could've been such a great person.

I hope he becomes it some day.

Anyway, I'm starting to try to delve into things that make me happy, or at least keep telling myself they do.

I'm having a lot of trouble finding things that aren't just making me externally happy. Because those things are all just shallow, in my eyes. I want internal happiness. Hopefully I'll get there. Eventually. If not, I hope I enjoy my journey. That's all I could ever hope.

In other news, my research position is great! I work with some fantastic people.

Naturally, I'm afraid to talk to people I don't know, but I'm getting there. At least I can make casual conversation with the guy whose little office I share. I wish I could be better at it, though. Fucking hate my anxiety. >.<

La la la, so, yeah. Nothing much to do. I actually finished all my schoolwork for today [EGADS!] so I took some time out to do this. :)

Oh, Project Runway, here I come. I hate working Thursday nights. I always miss it.

Soonish off to get food and read for awhile. I like my alone time.

*sigh* It's been a peaceful day, despite the severe lack of sleep I've been getting.

Much love to all of you, my few readers. <3

First Week of Winter Quarter 2010

I have successfully completed Week One of Winter Quarter 2010.

It's been a very simple week.

As my previous update stated, my classes aren't going to be too bad.

I worked both jobs for the first time this quarter since my last post.

Things at the library are good, as usual, and I really like the people I work with at the pizza place.

And I am also making an effort to talk to people I don't know at both work and in class!

I'm really proud of myself, though my anxiety about it is nowhere near gone. I've been told by my psychoanalyst that I should push myself to do so, and eventually I will see that there's no reason to be anxious about it and it will be gone.

The weekend was fan-fucking-tastic!

Friday, Sebastian came to visit! We played Scrabble and watched Children of Men and stuffs.

The next day, we went out to the abandoned Polaris Amphitheatre and I helped him expand his portfolio by modeling in the cold. The place was fantastic! I neglected to bring my camera, but it was gorgeous! Early, cold, but beautiful. The rest of that Saturday consisted of eating and watching the first season of How I Met Your Mother in it's entirety. Very, very enjoyable.

Today, we got up, Sebbie left, and now I must do homework and the undergraduate research position application. Ate breakfast, laundry's in the dryer, got some groceries, took my vitamins, drinking coffee, though I still need to do my homework, update my résumé, write a cover letter for the position, wash dishes, fold my laundry, read my book.

It has been an extremely enjoyable weekend, but now it's time to plug in some music and go to town on my homework.

And also, see if I can find a decently-priced sunlight simulator lamp. Yay Vitamin D!

Just to let you know, I don't get on facebook much anymore, so if you want to talk to me, I'm on AIM: emicort12.

Also, use that formspring.me thing on the left side! Ask me anything! :)

So Winter 2010 Begins

School has officially begun.

I have been to each of this quarter's classes.

I think it's going to be a relatively easy quarter.

There is one class that will be intellectually stimulating, but nothing overly difficult, I don't know.

I'm taking 15 credit hours. AKA 3 classes.

Plus my 2 part-time jobs, both of which cut my hours.

And working on reviewing Arabic.

All in addition to this thesis on which I'm trying to make progress.

My classes are fun. I really like them.

Class 1 is my obligatory Arabic class. This quarter it's Arabic 411: Colloquial Arabic I. I've had the professor before, so I know his teaching style. And though I struggle with listening and speaking, I'm going to do my best to keep up. I don't think it'll be bad, as long as I stick to keeping up with it.

Class 2 is International Studies 245: Intro to the Modern Middle East. It will be really interesting and very easy, since I am already familiar with a lot.

Class 3 is Political Science 545: Foreign Policy Decision-Making. It's taught by the head of the Poli Sci department, and I really like him. It's going to be very interesting, though perhaps a bit difficult, but it such a way as to make it enjoyable.

There are no papers in any of the classes. Just lectures and exams and thinking. I don't get out from final exams until the very last day, once again, but oh well. More time to pick up some shifts. I'll need it.

I really didn't feel like I was ready to return to school.

I wanted nothing to do with my life in Columbus yet.

But now that I'm here, I'm doing alright. I think it's yet another example of not wanting things to change, but knowing they're a necessity in life and the only way in which you grow. So I force myself to embrace it when it comes my way.

Right now, though, I'm feeling really introverted. A little pensive. Nothing bad. But I just don't know why. Oh well. I'm going to use it as an opportunity for me-time and to get some work done early. Lovely. :)

Side Note: I am wearing a bra I bought for $2 at Marc's and which hooks in the front. Win. xD