It's not that bad, though. I'm still not motivated, but I'm forcing myself to get my shit done, so whatever.
And TODAY'S MY MOMMA'S BIRTHDAY! I'm gonna call her later tonight. :)
I've been doing really well, lately. At least, compared to before. I'm feeling pretty stable.
Last night I was up until 2am writing a paper for my Foreign Policy Decision-Making class. It was epic, and I have yet to go back and edit it. It's due tomorrow, so I'll do some editing later tonight.
But that is my only paper for the whole quarter! Just exams and homework!
I'm a bit worried to see how I do on that paper. It's worth over 1/3 of the course's grade. But I worked hard on it and, unlike most of my other papers, I'm going to be legitimately revising it later tonight, once Jenni finishes reading it over first.
I'm doing really well with the breakup. Looking back, he wasn't that great. He wasn't interesting. I realized that everything funny he said was from either The Chappelle Show or How I Met Your Mother or recalling something he said while drunk or high as a kite. So what if he liked the same music as me and not only had seen The Fountain but LIKED it, he was a boring motherfucker.
I do feel like the reason I finally came to this realization was because he said he really wanted to stay friends then wouldn't answer phone calls or respond to messages. But hey, if he can't be honest with me, then I don't want him as a friend at all.
It's weird because I'd always get angry at him for something-or-other, then when he finally picked up or called back, I'd realize I was being a bitch and angry for no reason. Well, the last contact I received from him proved me otherwise, and I was only looking for an excuse to really be done with him.
I've missed him and wish he were still my friend, but I do think I'm past that.
I had so many fantastic memories with him.
It's a pity, though. He could've been such a great person.
I hope he becomes it some day.
Anyway, I'm starting to try to delve into things that make me happy, or at least keep telling myself they do.
I'm having a lot of trouble finding things that aren't just making me externally happy. Because those things are all just shallow, in my eyes. I want internal happiness. Hopefully I'll get there. Eventually. If not, I hope I enjoy my journey. That's all I could ever hope.
In other news, my research position is great! I work with some fantastic people.
Naturally, I'm afraid to talk to people I don't know, but I'm getting there. At least I can make casual conversation with the guy whose little office I share. I wish I could be better at it, though. Fucking hate my anxiety. >.<
La la la, so, yeah. Nothing much to do. I actually finished all my schoolwork for today [EGADS!] so I took some time out to do this. :)
Oh, Project Runway, here I come. I hate working Thursday nights. I always miss it.
Soonish off to get food and read for awhile. I like my alone time.
*sigh* It's been a peaceful day, despite the severe lack of sleep I've been getting.
Much love to all of you, my few readers. <3
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