US Independence Day in Beirut, Lebanon

Beirut, Lebanon: 1pm

So. Since this program is comprised of international students, of which a vast majority are from America, we all decided to throw a 4th of July celebration. Let me tell you, it was quite a night.

Well, Friday, the day before said party, we spent hours trying to figure out how to make a single red, white, and blue drink/shot. Didn't work. We had grenadine syrup for the bottom, Half and Half for the middle, and Blue Caraçao for the top. Unfortunately, the Half and Half and Blue Caraçao curdled, so it didn't sit right. We were thinking of going out and getting some peach schnapps to use for the middle white layer, but we didn't know if it would work and we didn't want to spend even MORE money. Kir was gonna make jello shots, but we never really got around to it, since after all the taste-testing (and those bitches tasted like SHIT!), we were all quite tipsy (although we did saturate a watermelon with vodka. mmm!!!). It was nice and chill, though. Then, of course, we realized we were almost out of booze, so we just decided to mix a few drinks with the fantastic juice they have here in Lebanon and sat and chilled for awhile before going back to our rooms to study.

But yesterday, oh man. It was intense.

It was a fairly big party. We all god all cute and dressed up. Kir did my hair all pretty. And we went upstairs. It was all really fun until one of my friends went missing... In Beirut.... Near a bad neighborhood.... Wearing less-than-acceptable clothing for nighttime... Without money for a cab home in case she got lost... Without her phone.... Without her key.... It was a disaster.

She went missing around 11 and was missing for about 2, 2.5 hours. I was panicked and frustrated and worried as shit. Of course, I am a responsible drinker, so I sobered up real quick. We checked the roof, all the rooms in the building, and had 3 separate search parties go around for awhile looking for her. Nothing. One of my other roommates waited in the flat for her, in case she came home, and I went back to the party after looking for her for 2 hours, because she might stumble back into the party and I knew there was nothing else we could do. So, I was in a rather foul mood, and I'm not usually bitchy when I'm drunk. I was just worried and pissed and felt so helpless because I knew I couldn't do anything more.

The story of what happened to her is ridiculous.

So, she went out and walked a long way (while drunk), got lost, and ended up sitting on a sidewalk crying. Some guy came up to her and asked her if she was ok, asked if she needed food, or if she needed money, and she kept telling him she was fine. So he walked away. He apparently turned around and came back and said, "You speak English! Will you be my teacher? I've never practiced English with a girl before!" and took her to a café and bought her a Shirley Temple and they talked. Apparently, as soon as they sat down at the café, he told her "hold on" then got up and returned with two little roses. He kept telling her that the view was great from his apartment and asking if she wanted to go up there to look, and she kept saying no, no, no. Then he said "Oh, don't worry! I'm engaged!" Still a little scary, but still. After he had deemed their speaking English to be enough, he helped her find Hamra street so she could get home. She said it was scary because she kept asking where Hamra was and was basically held hostage until he was done talking to her because she had no idea where she was and didn't want to go wandering out and run into some really bad people.

When she got home, we flipped. We were so happy. Then I went back upstairs, and did my happy drinking. The watermelon was gooood! And it was really nice to chill.

Afterwards, I helped my friend clean up his room as others went to one of the other guys' apartment in West Beirut and two other dudes went to the beach to set off fireworks. The room was a mess. It still is. The floor is covered with beer and sticky as fuck, a piece of glass in the tv stand was broke--a fucking quarter-inch piece of glass! Seriously?--the garbage cans were overflowing, ash trays full, watermelon rhinds everywhere... So I helped Samy clean, and we chilled and talked.

How fucking ridiculous!

I would say I'll have many more stories of this level of craziness in the near future, but I don't drink when at university in the US. I don't know, I have more important things to do. Plus, I'm underage. I don't really care, though. I'd rather work my ass off with school and work so I do well and stay afloat and chill with my roomies and a movie, and the occasional beer or glass of wine while doing my homework. Whatever. It's better. I really don't drink much unless school's not in session for me at OSU. I prefer sober fun.

What a fucking crazy night. Only in Beirut...

By the way, this is what I was wearing last night :)

Life Should Be Speechless

I find that words are absolutely useless when it comes to the most important things in life.

Language has no way to adequately communication the most precious thing that human beings possess: emotion.

I am so wonderfully, happily in love that I cannot find the words to express it, even to the one who has given me the gift of true joy.

I have found a man whose face, however oftentimes absent, brings me the utmost bliss whenever I think about it, and whose voice stirs up both the most tender and sensual feelings when I hear it.

It is entirely impossible for me to portray how deeply my love flows. But I feel compelled to try, because I know that even the sweetest, most beautiful words and meter are but a mere taste of the honey that is our love.

I never thought I would know such a love nor be known through the same love.

Mood Swings

This has been such a good, productive day.

I love life today.

I hate my mood swings.

But I'm happy.

Today.

Instability

The thing I hate most about mental and emotional instability is that, even though I'm always honest, people don't believe me when I say I don't know/remember what they're talking about, but when I really, truly do remember something significant, they call me a liar.

Fact: I am manipulative

The problem is, I don't mean to be.

I know how to be very manipulative and have been in the past, occasionally revisiting it, but it has been brought to my attention that I still manipulate people--and I'm not meaning to.

While here in Beirut, after toning down my behavior and personality much more than I intended, it has been pointed out that I am being manipulative. The worst part is, I honestly don't know what I did, what I'm doing. So all I can do now is be careful and watch what I'm saying and the actions I'm perfoming. I'm going to do my best, but that means nothing coming from me because I haven't been able to figure it out for 7 years. That doesn't mean I'll sure as hell try.

And now I wonder: is that exactly what I did that caused me to lose my best friend of 14 years?

I'm sorry.

I never would've thought it would come to this.

بيروت

I love Beirut more with each passing day.

I've fallen in love with this city and country.

I don't want to return home.

I don't ever want to leave.

Greetings from Beirut!

It's Monday, the day of further information and placements.

I have been in Beirut for 48 hours, and I love it. It doesn't quite feel like home yet, nor am I completely comfortable going out and about, but a feigned sense of confidence goes a long way, although I must admit that the constant honking of the taxis trying to get us to take rides in them is very annoying. But I can already tell that it will feel like home very quickly.

When I first got here, the drive through the city from the airport was phenomenal. It was so cool to see everything, all the marketing they have. Everything is in Arabic and French and English. So what I don't know in Arabic, which is a lot, I can devise from the other two languages.

Upon arrival, I was taken from the airport to the apartment building by a driver. We were originally going to be staying in the Lebanese American University dorms, but there are twice as many students this year as last year (110 as compared to about 60) and school at the university has not concluded for the year (final exams are this week), so we are in a building with flats about a 5 minute walk from LAU. Some students are on campus and the overflows are in two different apartment complexes near the university campus. My building is right next to the Commodore Hotel (where the reporters were housed during the war), so if I ever get lost, I can find my way home easily!

I got my room assignment, and went up to my room at about 11:30pm. I found out that Kirsten and I were not living together, and my dispair was inconceivable. I met one of the roommates, who is very nice, then found out what room Kir was living in. Luckily, she was in the same building AND my next door neighbor, so I wrote a post-it note and put it in her room telling her that I'm next door and to come wake me up when she arrives at 4am, which she did, what a lovely girl! The next morning, I asked the landlord, who is the most fantastic older man EVER!, if I could switch rooms and he told me to do it quietly, hahaha. So now I'm living with Kirsten!!!!

That first night, though. I was really despondent. I unpacked and got to bed, and the other two girls in the room had gone out to the club district, and I just laid there and cried. I was so weary and sad. I didn't feel overwhelmed, and didn't really feel like I was so far from home, but I was really, very sad to have left Christian. It was a lot harder than I'd thought it would be to leave him. I wasn't homesick at all, nor was I missing my family far too much, but I was so emotional and wished I could be back with Christian. But I knew that, no matter where I was, I would be missing him the same and in the same emotional state, so I didn't think on it too much nor let it ruin my first night in Lebanon, though it was a lonely one.

The next morning, though, Sunday morning, before I moved into Kir's room, I woke up and my roommates left me alone in the room, and I was extremely lonely, wondering what I'd be doing all day. Kirsten had left, poor dear had her suitcase lost at JFK airport in New York, and so I went back home until she returned, then I moved in! But it was such a bad morning, but I was proud at how I didn't let it get me down and just decided to make do, despite my loneliness.

My roommates in Kir's room are FANTASTIC! Especially this adorable girl from England named Zena. She's only 16, but she fits in just like a college kid! Most of the students in this program are late undergrad graduate students. Kir and I feel pretty young, but Zena's even younger! She, Kirsten, and I get along wonderfully, and are already picking up each other's accents despite the short amount of time we've been living together already.

The food here is great, and the shops and nightlife are spectacular! I don't know where the post office is, nor have I seen any postcards, so I think I'm not going to send any... Sorry!!!

We didn't get internet until now because the apartment complexes are brand new, but it is a great place. I have felt so disconnected from everybody. All I want to do is connect with everyone. I sent a brief email to Mom, Dad, and Christian the night I got in with the landlord's computer (he's such a sweetie!) but other than that, I have been completely cut off. I've been keeping busy exploring with my friends, however, and keeping a journal on my comptuer, writing little notes, and uploading photos. I am not taking nearly as many photos as I'd expected. I think it's because I don't want to seem like a tourist and blend in more on the streets, but whatever. I carry my camera with me everywhere, but rarely use it.

Souvenirs are an interesting thing. I don't have much room in my luggage for any, so I don't believe I'll be bringing much back. My apologies to everyone.

Today we took our placement test to see which level of Arabic I'll be placed in, and I think it went well, and I think there is a decent chance that Kir and I will be in the same class. I also had my Lebanese dialect class assessment, and will be starting in Level 2 dialect, because Level 1 is mostly for those completely new to the language. I got into Advanced Arabic I! Wow! It's going to be tough, but oh well.

Wellll I just found out that we're NOT getting internet... UGH I have stuff to do for OSU and would like to be in connection with everybody! So frustrating!

But at least I got all my placement tests done! Classes start tomorrow, and Kirsten, my friend Ben, and I are going to the Christian district of Beirut to see the neighborhood and all the buildings half-destroyed from the war.

Okie dokie! Time to go explore more!

I hope all is as well as it is here!

En route to Beirut

So, I left yesterday for Lebanon.

I hopped a plane from Cleveland to Dulles in DC, then to London, where I am currently in the business lounge, and will be departing for Beirut after a 5 hour layover.

Happily, my father used his frequent flier miles to secure my tickets, so I get first class and business class nearly the entire way. It's wonderful! Great food and BIG sleeping space! Yess!

I must admit that leaving was much more difficult than I had ever expected.

You see, Christian came to spend a week with me. He came Monday evening on a Greyhound from Pittsburgh to Akron, where My 'lyssa and I picked him up, and stayed until seeing me off at the airport.

It was horribly difficult leaving him, which I did not expect at all. I think it has something to do with us perhaps not being able to talk during the entire month of July. But he bought me a webcam so that we can chat (and so I can talk to Alyssa :-P ).

I am extremely excited to be going to Lebanon, though!

I am so ready to start studying Arabic again, for real.

And intensive Lebanese dialect courses! Hell yes!

I am so full of emotion.

So much emotion.

Many kinds.

I'm splitting at the seams.

I truly am.

Almost Done!

Okay. So. I'm almost done with school.

Finally got Arabic over with.... didn't end well. I fear my final grade. Seriously, I'll be happy with a C... and it's my fucking major! Those tests were ridiculously unfair. >.<

I just finished up my internship and the paper I had to write to get credit for it. That's another load off.

I wanted to study for physics today.... didn't get a chance to. Wasted so much time before writing that damn paper. Physics exam 7:30am Monday. Fuckity fuck fuck. Having a final that early should NOT be allowed. D:

I also need to study for econ... totally fucked up the second midterm.

I'll be happy with a B+ in the class.

I also need to study for my Arabic literature exam.... It's entirely essays, which isn't bad.  I've never really had a problem with regurgitating information. I just need to figure it all out.

Seriously, my GPA is fucked.

Jesus, if it weren't for Christian, I would have completely broken down at the beginning of last week. Fuck, I'm so goddamn lucky.

By the way, I am in love with Tegan and Sara. <3

Done with this.

I am seriously sick of school. Really.

I need a day where I can literally lay around the entire time and not feel guilty for it.

I need a break.

I love school.

But I need to re-energize.

Unfortunately, I'm busting my ass to get everything done on time.

And now even caffeine isn't helping.

I'm getting so frustrated.

I'm so fucking done with this.