Fact: I am manipulative

The problem is, I don't mean to be.

I know how to be very manipulative and have been in the past, occasionally revisiting it, but it has been brought to my attention that I still manipulate people--and I'm not meaning to.

While here in Beirut, after toning down my behavior and personality much more than I intended, it has been pointed out that I am being manipulative. The worst part is, I honestly don't know what I did, what I'm doing. So all I can do now is be careful and watch what I'm saying and the actions I'm perfoming. I'm going to do my best, but that means nothing coming from me because I haven't been able to figure it out for 7 years. That doesn't mean I'll sure as hell try.

And now I wonder: is that exactly what I did that caused me to lose my best friend of 14 years?

I'm sorry.

I never would've thought it would come to this.