The End of Sociability

Soo... sometimes I feel like such a horrible employee for texting and obsessedly monitoring my email... Then I realize, I don't take breaks or get into conversations with coworkers, so it's okay!

I also update my calendar the most when at work, haha.
I just think of things I need to put on it!

And I listen to music. Lots and lots of music.
(And I never EVER watch/listen to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog)
I usually have my Zen choose a random album for me to listen to.
I have so much music on it that I haven't really listened to yet. What an opportunity!

Well, the Zen chose the album Catch for Us the Foxes by mewithoutYou (which has been dumbassedly labeled as a Christian band... Ring a bell, Evanescence?) and I realized that they're actually pretty cool. Now I'm sad I only have the one album :(
But now I am also proud to say that I have seen them live, albeit 5 years ago.

Now I'm listening to Modest Mouse.
It has been a looong while.
And luckily, it doesn't bring back those haunting emotions which music tends to evoke in me.
I had totally forgotten how cool* some of their lyrics are (and of course how catchy the beat):
"I said what I said that I'd tell ya / That you killed the better part of me"
"I changed my mind so much that I can't even trust it / My mind changed me so much that I can't even trust myself."

*I say "cool" because they are not awesome, fantastic, nor spectacular. If you want awesome, listen to Iron & Wine. If you want fantastic, listen to The Arcade Fire. And if you want spectacular, listen to The Decemberists (and don't forget a dictionary).

Anyway, I was just thinking.
After the events of the beginning of this calendar year, I have found that I have become much more sociable (in addition to becoming more academically motivated, but that's not the point).
I have gone to great depths of effort in order to find distractions for myself, from myself.
I spent tons of time studying.
I made a bunch of new friends and spent far more time with my previous ones.
I have been careful not to blindly latch onto anybody. I never ever look for a rebound. It's not usually a problem for me--I value other people's mental and emotional stability far more than I do my own--but this past month and a half has been unspeakably difficult for me.

I believe it is now time for me to reign myself in.
I have become far more sociable than I am comfortable being with schoolwork hanging over my shoulder.
So I am going to stop.
Some things are just more important than people.
I am by no means saying that I am completely withdrawing.
I enjoy people and being sociable far too much.
I am just going to be more selective.
I am going to spend time with people whom I truly wish to spend time.
So don't take it to heart if I tell you I can't hang out because I'm busy.
But do if I say that I can or if I suggest it.

Don't worry that I'm going to be making myself unhappy: I won't!
I enjoy school and studying more than nearly all else.
And every hour I spend studying Arabic melts my heart with joy.
That language is my life.
Or hopefully it will be in the future.

I keep focusing on the things that I want the most in life.
The things I had to sacrfice.
The things I can once again achieve.

It is wonderful.
I am at peace.
At least for the moment, but one thing I've learned is that you need to learn to truly appreciate every moment you feel completely, utterly peaceful and content.
Happiness is relative.
I am content.