Thanksgiving's Eve

I don't know.
(I seem to start a lot of my posts out with that. Perhaps because it's constantly how I start out my thoughts.)

I was really excited to be coming home for Thanksgiving break and a nice long weekend, but now that I'm here, I don't want to be.
I don't know why I feel so awful.
I don't understand.

The day was a waste. I mean, work was good, since I got like... $20 more dollars for the week. But one of my classes was cancelled, which was a smart move because no one's gonna show up anyway, and my other teacher was like "Yeah, I teach at another school that is closed on Wednesday, but I'm gonna have class anyway because I want to, even though I have nothing to say." So, being the asshole that I am, I couldn't allow myself to skip class, and went. It was pointless. Just him rambling on LIKE HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOES and costing me an hour of my time AND CHANGING THE ENTIRE FORMAT OF THE CONTENT OF A 10-PAGE PROJECT DUE MONDAY WHICH I HAD COMPLETED LAST WEEK. Fuck that! He's getting what I've already done. I'm not about to re-write it! If it wasn't for that class, Molly and I would've gone home last night (she had no classes today). I was so frustrated.

The drive north was awful. The traffic was so bad as soon as we got onto the highway that it took us an HOUR to go 10 MILES. It was awful. Eventually it calmed down and we got home in a nice 3 hours, about 45 minutes longer than it should've taken us. But oh well. We're back safely, and Molly's spending Thanksgiving with us. (My supervisor at my library job, a former professor of mine, actually asked me to stay with her and her family for Thanksgiving Break. She is seriously the cutest little Egyptian woman I've ever met!)

Once we got back, we ate dinner, then Molly, my sissy, her boyfriend, and I went to the mall! AND MOST OF THE BLACK FRIDAY SALES WERE OUT ALREADY! So I got myself a couple pairs of $2 leggings and a $3 ear cuff and a $1 mini-skirt (yes, a MINI-SKIRT! And YES, $1!!) and a pair of $4 bright purple skinny jeans! It was a good night!

Then we got home and watched the first 4 episodes of Season 1 of Big Bang Theory with my family. It was very fun.

But now... I feel sad. Really down. I don't entirely know why. I'm just... I have no idea. I can only speculate.
Perhaps it's because I know this isn't really an extended break and that I have shit I need to do and that I still have to wait two weeks for my real repose.
Perhaps it's because Christian was supposed to call tonight and he didn't. I mean, it's still early according to his clock, and perhaps he ended up getting shafted and having to work tonight, in which case he's showering and getting ready for bed, but who knows.
Perhaps because being in this room really kills me. It makes me want to reminisce, but it also kills me when I think about or actually start doing it. I realized last time that every single item which decorates my walls holds some sort of extremely painful memory, most of which involves a certain very close childhood friend of mine.
Perhaps it's because I didn't bring my journal (or my guitar), so I have no outlet while I'm here.
Perhaps it's because I'm seeing my grandparents tomorrow, and seeing my grandfather is always so wonderful, but continuously startles me with morality. And makes me wonder if he'll be here for our next holiday.
Perhaps it's because I'm simply feeling emotional.
Or perhaps I'm just tired.

I always feel like I want to regress when I'm home. I feel like I don't want to leave this room, which, though it has brought me to so many trials, it is also a symbol of stability. It's always here, even when I'm not, and nearly exactly as I left it.

I really don't know.
I never do.
I hate it.