Drowning in Sleeplessness

I don't quite know what to do anymore.
I haven't been able to sleep well for weeks, now.
I can nap, during which I sleep deeply, and I am constantly exhausted and completing my tasks with the aim of going to sleep, but once I lie down in bed, my body no longer yearns for sleep.
While I'm up, all I want to do is go to bed and sleep. But once I lie down... It's over.
The only was I've been able to sleep well has been because I was with Christian or because of NyQuil.
This is unhealthy.

I don't understand.
I set aside 7-8 hours in which to sleep nearly every night.
And I lay in bed awake during most of them.
I just don't understand.
So now I've taken to just not going to bed.
Fuck, I hate insomnia.
Especially the kind where you're still exhausted constantly.

One of my doctors recommended Tryptophan or 5-HTP or Melatonin, and unfortunately, constrained by price once again, the one which I feel less alright with taking is the one I will be purchasing, because it's the cheapest.
BUT at least it's natural. And hopefully it will help.



This weekend was wonderful.
I got to go to the fall play then spend the weekend with Christian in Berea.
I'm so in love. I hope things don't fall apart this time.
And I'm still really fucked up from Ross.
Thanks for the trust issues, asshole.
My therapist says rather than allowing the fear of this happening again and stifling the relationship I should just remind myself that I've gotten through it before, so if it happens again, I'll be okay.

I'm trying.
I'm trying really hard.
You have absolutely no idea.


The quarter's almost over.
I'm on the right track with my work.
Now, if only I could sleep.