All At Once, As Always

It's been my experience in life that everything goes wrong at once.

But I've never had things in so many different aspects of my life go wrong at once.
I'm used to one aspect totally falling apart, but not everything. I'm having trouble figuring out how to cope.

Of course it's never pleasant when things go wrong. I know this. I understand this. But that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm struggling.

I need all the hugs.

An Explication

I've gone over it, over and over.
I have pulled the events apart and examined the patterns.
I have unfolded every occurrence, every step, every detail.

These looping themes, these reoccurring episodes--
They appear to be inescapable.

In the end, the only things left are the questions.
Maybe they're just part of the pattern.

Playlist Poetry

Take me anywhere, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care
Give me one good reason not to do it--(Because I love you)
You once talked to me about love, and you painted pictures of a Never Never Land
I would say 'I love you', but saying it out loud is hard, so I won't say it at all
You are the life I needed all along
There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone
In the morning when you finally go and the nurse runs in with her head hung low, and the cardinal hits the window
In the morning, in the winter shade, on the first of March, on the holiday, I thought I saw you breathing
The most important thing about you standing in my doorway is that it's you, and that you're standing in the doorway
And you smile as you ease the gun from my hand, and I'm frozen with joy right where I stand
There used to be a tree where we took our pretty things
I'm afraid to forget you; I am remembering you: You were spakling
Does his hand in your hair feel a lot like a thing you believe in?
In the morning I'll be with you, but it'll be a different kind
I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
Haven't laughed this hard in a long time; I'd better stop now before I start crying
If I leave before you, darling, don't you waste me in the ground
Let the poets cry themselves to sleep, and all their tearful words would turn back into steam
You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for
But with this long last rush of air, let's speak our vows in starry whisper
I'd give my body to be back again, in the rest of the room
Some had crawled their way into your heart to rend your ventricles apart
A burned out world you know, staying up all night.

[the music]