Many, Many Things

I've been feeling alright for the past couple weeks. Those 2 huge meltdowns seemed to be the end of it [for now].

These past weeks have been super stressful. Unfortunately I had 2 midterms during the week between the 2 meltdowns. So I was on therapist-mandated bedrest for the week before my exams and ended up super behind in everything. Aaaand my exam grades definitely show it. They threw me into the beginning of another downward spiral, as I was still unstable and recovering from the previous one. After much anxiety and convincing from Tim, I talked to two of my professors, which helped restore a little bit of confidence in myself. Knowing that I am not for sure fucked and probably not going to lose my scholarship this quarter is a really nice thing. So for now, increased medication, more frequent therapist visits, and doing my best to cope until a DBT individual/group slot opens up.

It's pretty fucking frustrating. These last 2 meltdowns were the most severe I've ever had. I hadn't felt anywhere close to that way since middle school. It was extremely scary. I don't really know what mindset I need to take in order to continue. They changed everything. How I'm thinking about this, how I think I should go about coping, everything. And I'm now getting desperate. I hope I have a good amount of time to recover before the next one, because I honestly don't know what things will change this next time.

Anyway, today my anxiety has been through the roof. Three anxiety attacks within the course of an hour. Completely biological, this time. Tremors, trouble breathing. Usually it's primarily the psychological symptoms. I'm not used to having these symptoms to this extent; I don't know how to cope. And I had just increased my meds. What the fuck? Maybe I need to get my hands on something new. I'll talk to my shrink about it.

AND SO MUCH HOMEWORK THIS WEEKEND FUCKING SHIT ON A CUNT.
Arabic professor assigned an unprecedented amount of homework and, seeing as it usually takes me 15+ hours to complete it, I am not happy.
Two 10-page papers due next week. I'm doing very well on both of them, but I still need to do lots of editing.
All on top of my regular reading and reviewing and other assignments. Seriously?

But no worries! I have plans to go out Thursday, in celebration of essentially completing the quarter that almost destroyed me. I almost had to drop out due to mental illness; somehow I made it. Who cares that I have to be at work at 8am on Friday, I am going to the gay bar with a bunch of friends, or maybe very few friends--I DON'T CARE! So if anyone wants to join me for $3 long islands and $4 tokyo teas on Thursday, you know where to find me. :)

And something amazing happened last week. He's back. I don't get it. I still don't know what happened. But he's back.
It made me realize that I should probably pay more attention to my dissociation tendencies. HAHA what an impossible task!

I am sooo excited for finals week. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's because I am going to three shows: She Wants Revenge, Bright Eyes, and Neon Indian. Then Cotton Jones the Sunday after that!!!! Plus, a couple wonderful friends will be visiting for the Bright Eyes show. There will be cooking, exploring, and drunk Scrabble galore! Ok, so most of our plans involve eating. OH WELL. WE FUCKING DESERVE IT. And then my Ishy will be visiting me the week after that! Our plans also mostly involve eating. YESSSSSSSSSS.

Obsessed with this album at the moment. Once you get past the odd voice, it is so endearing and raw: http://grooveshark.com/album/Huggable+Dust/1100773?src=5

Summer At Its End

[Very] Quick Update!

School starts in less than a week.
I am freaking out.
My summer has been AMAZING.
I am stressed as fuck.
I just moved last week.
I have so much to do tonight. And tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after.
I am in love.
I hate school.
I've lost 3 pounds this summer, living on mac n cheese and cereal.
Tim's bike got stolen, which is hilarious because it has no brakes so no one would want it.
I wonder if they'll put it back.
I hope I can get everything done before school starts.
I hope I have time for me-time fun.
I hope I get to read a little.
I hope.
This weekend is going to be ridiculous.
K BAI.

Shit! It's September!

I only wrote once in August? Weird!
It was a very interesting, busy, amazing month. So I guess I just didn't care to take the time out of my life to write.

I've been doing lots of working, movie-watching, exploring, photo-taking, and loving life.

Pretty much, things are going really, extremely well. So as long as I ignore the fact that school's coming up quickly.
This weekend is going to be fucking epic as shit, though!

This week has be über stressful so far. I was totally freaking out because we're moving into our new place (and I haaate moving) and I had to figure out internet plans and set that up and set up utilities, and moving means more people will be in Columbus, which means lots of hanging out, which means time will go really fast, which means school will be here, which means I'll be depressed as shit until next summer. And I had other stuff on my plate, too, that was freaking me out because it's a lot! AHHHH!!!!

But I've been doing alright with it! I'm accepting that I can't stop time from progressing; I can only make the best of what time I have. It's just a mini installment of life.

I got all the utilities taken care of (which involved a few issues, which were resolved with long phone calls). I have a lot of stuff to do on my computer that I haven't gotten to yet, but I've gotten it started and there is a plan in place.

And this weekend--Labor Day Weekend--is gonna be busy as sheeyit! But hopefully enjoyable. :)))
Thursday: I am going to work, then leaving 3 hours early (a 5 hour work day isn't bad at all!), then "organizing" things at home, then my dad is coming, we will have dinner, then we will drive back to Hudson, where I will break out my fantastic camera and take photos and see 'lyssa (hopefully!) and just enjoy being alive.
Friday: I will be getting up early (ugh!) to do allll the shit I've gotta get done. Some of this includes a couple of surprises for a couple of amazing people. c:  A lot of this includes shopping for things I need desperately, cleaning out my desk, and preparing things for moving in 10 days. And going to the bank to adjust some stuffs. Then (hopefully!!!) having some time to do some stuff I want to do (which includes working on a mix I'm making) before heading out to Lake for the high school football game so I can watch my Ishy cheer. :3
Saturday: Getting up at a decent hour, finishing the shopping with Mom, then going to the family picnic in Youngstown, then flying solo on a quest to visit Tim's family (I hope they like meeee >.< ).
Sunday: Tim and me driving from his house to mine, having lunch with my family (I think?), then going to Coventry to explore and photograph! Then back to Hudson for playtime in the parks and cemeteries.
Monday: After a "leisurely breakfast", heading back home to Columbus, where I will freak out about work the next day. Oh, the joy of long weekends.

I really don't like visiting my family, in that I hate getting back home and immediately being thrust into another work week. I need time to do my own thing. It's great seeing family and friends (which doesn't really happen much because my numerous family picnics take over), but I like getting things done and being happy and stable. Alas, I will deal with the oddity in my schedule and enjoy the change of scene. :)


Also, sorry I'm taking so long to update my photo blog! I should be able to do that some time this weekend.
Keep an eye out, loves! XO